Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
