i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
