i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
