Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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