Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
