I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
