He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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