I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
