My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
