escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
