I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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