I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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