They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Randomize
