I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
