I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
