You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
