His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
