her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
