Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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