I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
