u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
