I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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