he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Michael Bay diarrhea
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
