it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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