ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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