I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
