Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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