I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
