Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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