there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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