This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
