the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
