Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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