She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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