i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
