hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
