But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
