so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
