I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
