soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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