I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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