Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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