Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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