I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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