Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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