I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
