He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
