I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
