I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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