At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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