went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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