started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
