Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
